Vignette Writers Can’t Think Of Anything More Ridiculous Than Actual Events Of The Day

Wednesday, October 17th, untrue SHOOTER alert messages were sent out to the entire Tulane campus, causing mass uproar among the student body.

“Holy Shit” commented Vignette writer Leo Tolstoy, sitting around a large circular stone table in the Vignette’s underground lair, 3 miles below McAlister auditorium, “I literally can not think of anything more ridiculous then what actually happened today. What do we do? I don’t think we have ever run into this problem before.”

The event was not only untrue, but took place somewhere that straight up just didn’t exist.

“That’s comedy gold,” commented Vignette editor Wally Sczerbiack, “I thought that we were the only satirical organization on campus, little did I know that we are also dealing with a satirical alert system. This brings out some new competition.”

Reports say that Tulane sent out three emails, one to warn the campus of the shooter, the second to say the first wasn’t true, and a third email that Tulane officials are calling the “you should of seen the look on your faces” message.

“God Damn, Princeton hall?” Sczerbiack added “I can’t even think of a more generic, college sounding name then that. Genius.”

After a semester that included a hurricane, two days where the students couldn’t use running water, and a fake shooter warning, Vignette writers are really starting to wonder whether or not the university is just fucking with them.

“This is just too ridiculous to be true.”


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