Underclassmen Found Drinking, University Astonished

Last night, October 5th, two 18 year old underclassmen were found by their RA’s, drinking in their dorm rooms, beverage in hand much to the surprise of the entire university.

“Needless to say we were stunned,” recalled the Residential Advisor officer Benjamin Breaker, “We walked in expecting the loud music to be background noise to their daily monopoly game, but as soon as we saw them we knew something was different.”

The two freshmen were found with beers duct taped to each hand, and a full handle of vodka glued to their chests, or ‘Optimus Priming’ as they called it.

“What we would do is hold one another upside down,” explained accused freshman Paul Salimon, “Then one of us would yell ‘Autobots, roll out!’ and the alcohol would just spill on in. Genius, really.”

“It must be some kind of misunderstanding” commented Terry Frankoy, the student affairs vice presidential advisor, “With New Orleans being the nice, catholic city it is, I don’t think they could even find any alcohol. The university has never run into this problem before, I really don’t think we’re about to now.”

Frankoy has asked our neighbor university LSU for help in the matter, since they are “the pinnacle of sober excellence.”

The president of the university flew back to New Orleans from his meeting in Washington D.C to discipline the students, asking them to “pretty pretty please, don’t do it again.”


One Comment to “Underclassmen Found Drinking, University Astonished”

  1. Paul Salimon says:

    Oops. Sorry.

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