Tulane Takes Stand Against Sexual Violence, Takes Back Honorary Degree Set to be Given to Harvey Weinstein

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Just days before finalizing plans to reward Harvey Weinstein with an honorary PhD for his “remarkable achievements in one of Tulane’s core values: being a rich and powerful white man,” university officials announced that the whole thing was a no-go, because, you know, Tulane cares about sexual violence now?

Students are excited about this revolutionary move. “I’m really proud to be rolling with the Wave in this one,” Junior Patty Ranch commented. “Not a lot of colleges can say they are woke enough to do something like not give Harvey Weinstein an honorary degree.”

When asked about the decision, Dr. Earl “Hot-Pocket” Wilson, chair of the all-male honorary degree committee, noted that the move was not just a stroke of genius, but a stroke of luck. “We were this close to a PR disaster!” he said, drinking from a mug of room temperature coffee. “Good thing Mark from PR has a daughter and is therefore able to comprehend that women are people too. Otherwise we wouldn’t have even known sexual violence is a problem.”

Although Tulane has not officially stated who will be rewarded the now unassigned honorary degree, rumors suggest that the recipient will be the respectful, socially conscious, 2004 PETA “World’s Sexiest Vegetarian Celebrity” award winner… Andre 3000!

 

 

 

 

 

Tulane resources for reporting sexual assault can be found at http://www.titleix.tulane.edu/how-to-report/

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