Recently, Reily Student Recreation Center put up signs throughout the gym areas warning students that they would be enforcing a new dress code prohibiting “Ugly AF” clothes through the utilization of a Reily Fashion Unit.
“Yeah, we are really looking to dress up the gym a bit, I mean it’s hard enough to be here, quads burning, on my grind, but to also have burning eyes from looking at all the gawky-ass apparel?” The FU member scoffed, “That’s just unreasonable.”
Notable enforcement methods observed thus far have been laughing hysterically at the Target yoga pants of a red head, explaining to a boy that he would die alone covered in pig grease because he wore Skechers, and egging a girl in a sports bra for the five blocks back to her dorm.
“I would describe the new dress code as somewhere between Sunday Brunch Casual and What You Would Wear to the Rose Ceremony on the Bachelor,” an FU member explained, before running off to push an elderly man wearing baggy shorts down the stairs.
Tanya Goldstein, a victim of the new policy who had to take five showers to clean the sharpied “Slut” off her forehead commented, “Yeah I think that it may be a little too harsh.”