Tulane Plays Away Game, Student Population: “Oh Yeah….Football.”

This past Saturday, September 20, after another classic Tulane loss at the hands of Duke University, Tulane students were startled to see that Tulane had actually played a game. Looking curiously at game highlight on the morning news, they mumbled, “oh yeah… football.”

“Tulane was playing in a game? Last Saturday? You’re sure? I definitely did not see this on Yik Yak.” continued freshman Tulane sports fanatic Edward Thumbutton. “Do people know about this? There could be drinking centered around this! This could be an awesome time, Tulane should really advertise.”

Tulane continues to ask students everywhere to tune into football games. Michael Fitts, Tulane’s president, who officially changed the Tulane motto to “We have a football team,” has even canceled class Friday to reinstate his own, campus wide class session of “Sit the fuck down and watch the goddamn football game; we cut department funding for this.”

When asked if he remembered attending both Tulane home games this month, Thumbotton responded, “Oh, I guess so. I just kind of remember doing my weekly Saturday morning Keg stand at my buddy John’s house and then… waking up in my bed the next morning.”

The Green Wave football team, who now have a record of 1 and I don’t even know, come home next week to what is sure to be a packed Yulman Stadium.

“Of course I’ll go to that game!” Thumbutton yelled excitingly while simultaneously texting his buddy, “A One! A Two! A….Tulane!”


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