“Tulane Now Football School” Still A Stretch

After initial Facebook posts last saturday, September 6, commented that Tulane had become a “football school, roll wave!” New reports have come to light indicating that might be pushing it.

“Sure it was fun, but c’mon,” commented jaded senior Anya Aronson. “Just last year my best friend dated a football player, and didn’t know until the fourth date. I mean, our fight song originated from Dr. Seuss’s alcoholic blue period.”

The general New Orleans population continues to be confused by the new Yulman Stadium, and football culture at Tulane, referring to last weekend as “Tulane Football Fest.”

When asked if he would attend the Tulane game this weekend, cultural New Orleans icon Papa Okra responded, “You mean the S.E Louisiana game? Can’t wait!”

Tulane freshman Ryan Shmalker though, continues to stand tall for Tulane football.

“Tulane is ready!” Shmalker yelled after finishing his third shotgunned Natty, quoting the new ESPN college football commercial Tulane sacrificed half its scholarship money to be a part of. “Tulane football is back! Who cares that we lost? No one even remembers the end of the game… I blacked out at halftime Tequila shots.”

Shmalker went on to explain his love of all the new Tulane football drinking traditions, such as halftime tequila shots, 3rd down tequila shots, touchdown tequila shots, and everyone’s favorite, timeout tequila shots.


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