T-Pain Confused by Lizards

This Thursday, April 6, TUCP sponsored a concert by an artist who has never voiced a cartoon. T-Pain’s much anticipated performance filled the student body with nostalgia for the seventh grade, minus the puberty. The Vignette was lucky enough to chat with the chart-topping musician upon his arrival to campus despite being asked to “please come back at a later time” and “how did you even get in here?”

Mr. Pain expressed an overwhelmingly positive impression of the institution, but was immediately confused by a notable presence on campus.

“What’s up with all these fucking limbed snakes?” he asked sternly, politely refusing the Shakshuka provided by TUCP. “I’m serious,” he continued, “Those tiny wiggling-ass dinos, what is going on with those?”

The creator of Booty Wurk was visibly alarmed, and remained agitated despite the earnest efforts of TUCP members to console him with free cups and Crawfest 2013 swag.

The Nevada native’s preoccupation with “Those creepy earth birds,” followed him from the green room into his set, which he interrupted at several points, with such remarks as, “They’re like turtles, but without homes?!” and “Where do all these green skittery wigglers come from?”

Despite these interruptions, the concert has received generally positive reviews. For some, seeing this previously unknown side of the artist featured in the Lonely Island’s I’m On A Boat even enhanced the performance.

“It was almost humbling to think that as this wildly successful musician, clearly at the peak performance of his career, graced our presence with the sounds of “Bartender” he was surrounded by thousands of spooky little lizards,” reflected Rafael Squam, a T-Pain fanatic,  “Not all heroes wear capes. But my hero doesn’t know what a lizard is.”

 

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