Students Can Now Fulfill Service Learning by Attending Football Games

Today, Monday the 5th, Tulane Football and the Center for Public Service announced an exciting new program that lets students fulfill their service learning requirements by attending football games. “We were concerned by last Saturday’s numbers and we realized that something drastic had to be done so that Tulane could continue to pretend to be a football school,” said Franklin Hickory, director of Tulane Athletics. The timing could not be more perfect, following disappointing attendance during Saturday’s game against University of Central Florida. Experts agree that the low attendance was caused by a double whammy of arctic sub-70 temperatures and an 11 am start time which left little time for students to recover from their hangovers.

The program will begin by allowing students fulfill 1st and 2nd tier Service Learning requirements by remaining in the stadium for any two quarters. “Literally, you just sit there and not die,” said CPS director Morgana Carey. “We don’t care if you’re taking selfies, studying for your accounting exam, or watching Netflix. Just be a human being in the stands.” The program will cater to freshmen through TIDES classes. One example, “Contemporary American Football” asks students to attend Tulane football games then write a reflection of no more than 15 words at the end of the semester.

For those who wish to expand their involvement in the football program, the Theatre Department will start offering a 4+1 Program, wherein theatre students will stay on for an extra year learning the sport of football and the art of sideline-yelling. At the games, students will be able to fuse their newfound understanding of the sport together with their stage talents into a flawless interpretation of what it would look like if students actually gave a shit about the game. “Theatre is all about reacting, pretending like you know what’s going on, and acting like someone you aren’t,” said Miguel Toblerone, a theatre major. “I was sidelined from theatre by a gruesome jazz hands accident, but now I’m ready to play the role of a lifetime”

When asked about his take on the potential boost in attendance, Freshman Running Back Mike Thompson replied “Well, only 35 people signed up. Those 35 extra people might make the stadium much nosier. More noise means more distractions and I’m worried that I won’t be able to hear plays!” The Philosophy Department also makes football games a part of the “Intro to Buddhism” curriculum. Here, students are able to practice their transcendental meditation techniques in a quiet environment after everyone leaves in the 2nd quarter.


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