Student Manspreads So Far That His Legs Detach, Balls Can Finally Breathe

Chad Leverton’s #tuesday was #transformative to say the least. The situation went from typical to tragic in seconds when Leverton’s legs popped off in the middle of his Plays and Playwrights class.

Junior Bryhanna Cockfield attested to the horrific sight. “I looked up from Tinder and was like, ‘Woah, that dude’s legs just popped off!’ because like his legs had literally just popped off. Like literally. I put it on my story. Look!”

Following five filtered selfies of Cockfield and a few surreptitious pictures her roommate, there was in fact a picture of Chad and his lifeless legs. “His disembodied legs looked like Spanish hams. I would know because I studied abroad in Barthelona.” The interview ended abruptly when Cockfield realized that she had failed to put a picture of the situation on Instagram.

Professor Cobb Jacobson attested to the peculiarity of the situation. “I was just starting my lecture on the gruesome and shocking end to Oedipus Rex. I heard a splurt-y kind of noise turned to see blood spewing from his legs onto his peers and their belongings. It tied pretty well into Oedipus. I’m glad the kid’s balls are ok though.”

Adam Fried was also on the scene, “I have to say it looked pretty bad. I’m pre-med so I applied my medical knowledge the best I could. I told him where his legs were and asked if he might be dehydrated. He remained calm throughout. I’m going to be a great doctor.”

Vignette writers travelled to Children’s Hospital to ask Chad about his experience. “Yeah, I mean, I was just kind of leaning back a little, kind of adjusting ‘cause those chairs are hella uncomfy, and then it happened. I was just trying to get comfortable in my chair, you know? But hey, my junk feels fresh as fuck. Like an American flag rustling gently in the breeze of a New Hampshire fall day.”

The interview was cut short as the stump that is now Chad had to be carried to the bathroom by his nurse, whose rack he proceeded to compliment.   

OH CHAD, WHATTA DOPE


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