Student Leaves Campus Once, Suddenly Expert on New Orleans

After half a semester of never leaving campus once, Brandon Jenkins, Tulane freshmen, decided to take the streetcar down St. Charles avenue last week to get dinner, making him a self proclaimed “expert on the City of Brotherly Love.”

“People just don’t understand the soul of N’awlins” commented Jenkins, a Jewish student from the suburbs of Chicago, “I mean, could they be more touristy? Try taking a walk up St. Freret, or visiting some classic New Orleans restaurants like China Orchid, or Denny’s. People need to get out of their own little world.”

“We can’t walk around downtown with him at all,” Noticed Jenkins friend Marie Tolbert, “We tried taking him out to Bourbon last night, but instantly realized it was an awful idea. Whenever we would pass any Creole-looking people he would yell ‘my brothers!’ and run over. He started carrying around a trumpet wherever he goes and wearing a fedora. I don’t even think that last one is a New Orleans thing, he just saw someone else wearing one and assumed.”

Students in Jenkins Tides class report that while covering the financial aftermath of Katrina, Jenkins reportedly had to leave the class because he was “too emotional” and “sobbing uncontrollably.”

“Life is just different when you’re a part of when dat nation.” Proclaimed Jenkins as he leaned back in his chair, looked upwards, and intertwined his fingers behind his head, “Best team in the league! Heisman trophy winner Reggie Bush for the touchdown! I know I just got here but I already feel like I was born here, like Drew Brees or something.”

Jenkins says he looks forward to getting back to his people in the French Quarter, but currently isn’t leaving campus for a week after getting lost in Audobon Park for three whole days.


One Comment to “Student Leaves Campus Once, Suddenly Expert on New Orleans”

  1. Dan says:

    HAHAHAH this is fucking hilarious

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