Student Group Fights to Legalize Blow Jobs

After learning on his newsfeed that blowjobs are actually technically illegal in the state of Louisiana, junior Bobby Walker decided to take matters into his own hands. Walker’s , Blowjobs: Always, Everywhere (BAE) has one goal: “to educate people about literally the worst thing that’s ever happened in Louisiana.”  BAE has planned lobbying events and other events to raise its profile. A  ‘blow in’ in Baton Rouge was scheduled for next week, but the members of BAE sadly reported that they couldn’t find enough participants who weren’t “totally lame.” “We’re a lot like Divest,” claimed BAE President Walker, “except we love blowjobs and also I don’t know what Divest it.”

The law, which is not currently being enforced by any legal entity, “is totally ruining our lives,” said Walker. The law also controversially bans gay sex, but the men of BAE appeared unfamiliar with such provisions. “If we ain’t talking blowies I don’t want to talk,” said BAE treasurer Graham Brooks, who has never talked to a girl in a non-group project setting.

The members of BAE come from all grades and social backgrounds, but they all seem to share similar sentiments. “Louisiana’s RS 14:89 section 89 is unfair and causing us to live in fear” proclaimed Tony Bayton, who is unaware that the law was rendered unconstitutional by the Supreme Court in Lawrence v. Texas.
The club meets almost every day to talk about their mission. “It’s the most of any org,” said SOC student worker Margaret Finlay, “they just sit over there and keep saying how they want to ‘enact real change.’” “Oh yeah , we really want to enact real change” said Walker as he glanced at his dick and then over at Finlay, “reeeaal change….”


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