Special Report: Pope Francis At the Boot

After a visit to the city of brotherly love, Pope Francis decided to make a completely necessary and not out of the way stop at the Boot. The Vignette was not on the scene, due to prior obligations to call our mothers, but has diligently interviewed many key witnesses.
“He told me I could call him Papa Frank, so I told him to call me the poon-slayer,” said frequent Boot patron, freshman Eugene Reynolds. “He tried to roll up in the pope mobile, but it got stuck in that pothole on Zimple, so he got out, climbed on top and started making it rain Eucharist wafers. Then he yelled over an appeal to the bouncers to accept all IDs because we are all made in the image of God and He’s definitely over 21.”
Sophomore Erika Mooney was having an average night out until the Pope came along. “When he walked in, a path opened up for him. He didn’t get elbowed or groped once! Once he was in the middle he started swinging around that thing with the incense. When the bouncers tried to stop him he said, ‘You of all people need some forgiveness.’ Then he kept swinging the incense and started break dancing.”
Erika’s friend Kayla, a total shitshow, had a special interaction. “I was puking when out of nowhere came the pope. He held my hair, extensions and all, and when I finished he kissed me on the forehead and said, ‘Blessed are the sloppy, for they make us feel better about ourselves.’ He even promised to wash everyone’s feet at the Palms, Sunday. I felt so #blessed.”
“I was telling my friend I was going to go take a piss and the Pope came up and said he had the bathroom hookup.” Self-proclaimed Pope expert Louis Barker told us the inside scoop. “We walked over to the Catholic center ‘cause he said they knew him there. He totally missed the urinal, but then just laughed and called it holy water.”
The Pope was last seen walking away from the Boot being supported by two of his cardinals, saying, “I’ll be back in three days!”Boot Pope

the attachments to this post:

Boot Pope
Boot Pope

No Comments so far.

Leave a Reply