Scott Cowen Uses Retirement Money to Woo Your Bubby in Boca.

Scott Cowen, still raking in a shit ton of money from retirement benefits, as of yesterday September 7, is still actively trying to seduce your sweet, innocent bubby numerous reports indicate.

“Save your next trip to Publix grandma!” Cowen was seen screaming while throwing hundreds from the back of his yacht he had shipped to your sweet, made you breakfast when you were little, bubbys driveway. “I got your toilet paper right here! Right here! Get it? I use money as toilet paper, cause I’m so fucking rich. I still get paid more than English professors.”

Cowen, the former Tulane president, who had a street and sex position too disgusting to explain named after him, is still raking in thousands of dollars a year from the university where he no longer works, being cited as the most ridiculous party favor in the history of professional benefits.

“Your Bubby?” Cowen asked when being interviewed by Vignette reporters last week. “Oh, you mean the broad from last Tuesday. Yeah, she made a mean kuegel if you know what I mean, and I know you do, that’s all she goddamn talks about. ”

Your bubby, the one who watched you go from swaddled infant to strapping man in what seemed like a heartbeat, has been unable to reach, as Cowen has taken her on a vacation to the Keys where she has no service.

“Don’t worry about it, I got it from here” Cowen snickered as he put on his aviator sunglasses and ripped off his loose fitting chino pants to reveal a neon green undersized speedo as he got into his private helicopter, “I’ll show her a good time. Heh.”


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