QUIZ: How many of these sorority philanthropies did YOU support this weekend?

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Well, students, it is philanthropy season here on Tulane’s campus, and all your favorite sororities are hosting fun, lucrative, and righteous events to raise money for their favorite charitable causes. How many of these events have you been to?

 

▢     Dancing for Dandruff

▢     Piñatas for Prostate Cancer

▢     Kahlua 4 Kids

▢     Baking 4 Burn Victims

▢     Friends 4 Fitts

▢     Egg Donations for Eczema

▢     Sing-Along for Snakes

▢     Crabs for Crabs

▢     Gumbo for Gonorrhea

▢     Cha Cha for Chunkers

 

RESULTS

0 out of 10:

You, insolent goober, are undeserving of love from any of your classmates, family members, or personal deities. How can you watch people suffer from burns, crab, and Fittsiness, and not raise a finger to help them? For shame, young ingrate; you shan’t be afforded the philanthropy of others in your future hour of need!

1 out of 10:

It is clear that you must have only supported your own sorority. Heathen! You writhe in sin, motivated only by self interest!

If you are not in a sorority and still only scored one then you may suffer from SLOTH, an ailment for which no cure is forthcoming.

2-5 out of 10:

Thine spirit is strong but lacks resolve. Why stop at two, three, four, or even five contributions of time, money, and enthusiasm to the holy alleviation of the trials of the needy? Do not wallow in the complacency of your own good deeds when the work of staving off human suffering is never done.

6-8 out of 10:

Your devotion is admirable, and your deeds good and just. You must be wary of the pit that lies in wait for the falling feet of the prideful.

9-10 out of 10:

Okay, why the fuck are you trying so hard? It’s not that big of a deal.

 


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