Professor Spends 173 Minutes Trying to Get Sound on 3 Minute YouTube Video

Witnesses report that yesterday’s 11:00 MWF section EBIO 1010 plunged into chaos shortly after Professor Wiley Gertner, a seasoned instructor and respected authority in his field, announced he had a fun video to show the class. The whimsical deviation from the lecture slides proved disastrous only after the video – a PBS clip of rare birds’ mating calls – began to play without audio.


“Okay, who knows how to work this thing?” he asked the class, receiving only blank stares in return. He asked again, “Are any of you kids tech-savvy?” met with silence.


Gertner carried on relentlessly asking for student assistance for twenty minutes before making the switch from “Ask the Audience” to “Phone a Friend.”


“The first thing he did was call every number on the back of his splash card,” reported Sam Dimmadome, a fourth-year B-school student in need of a lab science. “The primate center folks redirected him to the Line when he started sobbing.”


According to beleaguered TA Jenny Esposito, the calls piled on and on. “After the Line, he called Gibson, then Student Affairs, then Jackie Rouege from Dining. He called his grandson who’s very good with the Cyber, but no luck there. Finally we saw him call WTUL but almost immediately he was screaming ‘I don’t want your damn Voodoo tickets; I want my bird calls!” and he hung up.


“He thought maybe it was his desktop that wasn’t working, so he tried his laptop… then my laptop,” said freshman Abby McGovern as she gently rocked her MacBook. “That didn’t work either, so he tried a student’s iPad, then iPhone, then a flip phone, a graphing calculator, and a Tamagotchi… I dozed off a bit and when I woke up there was an original Ms. Pacman game machine hooked up to the projector.”


At around 12:52, Gertner, broke into tears and fell onto his knees, scraping them on the tough, wiry carpet of Jones 102 in the process. He then wailed, “Might as well just re-enact the video.” Allegedly, the professor then began to shriek in increasingly high-pitched tones, eventually mustering the strength to hop around the room in a manner that was at least moderately similar to that of a Strelitzia reginae.


Finally dismissing the 50 minute class 123 minutes late, Gertner made sure to remind the class that yes, content from the video would be on the midterm.  



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