In a shocking turn of events last night, Tuesday, November 6, elected president Barack Obama turned out to be African American.

“Does that mean he was black the past four years as well?” asked bewildered student Austin Starpich, “I mean, who knew? That’s so strange… are you sure he was born in America? Not someplace like… I don’t know, Kenya? We should ask to see his birth certificate or something.”

Obama was elected last night for his second term of being African American, making him the first second black president…or the second first black presidents…or the first time second term first black president…WHATEVER he’s black, you get it.

“This is terrific news,” continued Starpich, “My once you go black you never go back joke is finally in style. I mean, do people know about this? This should really be big news. It looks like Kanye West needs a new excuse for hurricane Sandy.”

After discovering that Obama was African American today, the reporters at the Tulane Vignette asked Starpich if he knew what race Mitt Romney was. “Oh he’s, white… he is definitely white.”

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