Krewe du TU to Cover Uptown in Privilege, Regret

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The “Las Vegas of time periods”, Mardi Gras is the favorite time of year for many Tulane students and NOLA residents alike. With social order turned on its head, you can do literally anything (except touch a horse) with no social or legal repercussion. Mardi Gras allows the upstanding and righteous leaders of Tulane University to loosen their ties, wipe away their tears and shimmy for some beads. This year, Tulane will host its very own Krewe Du TU parade to showcase the alcoholic debauchery we really stand for.

We asked Dean Mac”Daddy”Laren to explain the rich symbolism in Krewe Du TU. He described a “theme of ‘Tulane through the Decades’, the parade celebrates the school’s rich history of rich white men: from Paul Tulane (New Jersey’s most wanting-a-college-named-after-him man) to Jerry Springer, Newt Gingrich and the least relevant Bush brother (Neil!).”

Krewe Du TU’s headlining float features the uprooted Mardi Gras tree encapsulated in a bubble that no institutionalized racism, socioeconomic disparities, or Loyola students can penetrate. Atop the tree sits parade King Michael “Like Mike” Fitts who throws bananas, “Only at Krewe Du TU, Only in Uptown (because New Orleans is scary)” necklaces, and white privilege. 

Many students are eagerly awaiting the parade, already staking out spots on the route. Sophomore Jennifer Garbler will be enjoying Krewe Du TU, as she told the Vignette: “Catch me on Ben’s weiner, the parade is supposed to go there too!”

 

The parade route is as follows:

  • Start at Gibson
  • Through the A-quad
  • Along McAlister then cut through bruff quad
  • Up Ben Weiner
  • Onto Claiborne
  • Check out Audubon Blvd real quick
  • Up broadway
  • (Throw up on stairs of Newcomb because doors are locked)
  • Lose half of parade at the Boot
  • To Snake and Jake’s, black out
  • Get a little lost in Carrolton neighborhood
  • Find way to Quills, leave because it’s weird
  • Up to St Charles
  • Stop at rite aid (remember u can’t buy alc w/ splash–bring cash!)
  • End up at Gibson
  • Draw funny faces on unconscious Mike Fitts

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Notable floats

  • Newcomb/Liberal Arts Float
    • Throws A’s
    • Pulled by philosophy majors in need of work
    • Somehow flooding
  • Dining Services Float
    • Throws: scalding, loose red beans and rice, City Diner pancakes, Panera chai tea lattes
  • Walking Krewes
    • Mcalister skaters
    • Tour group that got lost
  • Art of Tulane Float
    • Moving replica of Ball statue balls colliding – represents the collision of art & practicality
    • Throws: Newcomb pottery 
  • Business School Float
    • Throws: vomit stained resumes, sticks to shove up asses
    • Stops on every block, gives elevator pitches to people on street

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