Incessant Flirting in Class Neither Disruptive Nor Disgusting

Life is anything but still in Woldenberg as a pair of passionate art students are making marks on and off the drawing pad in ARST-1050 Beginning Drawing I.

“The first few classes, I was mostly concerned for her health. I’ve never seen someone throw their head back giggling that many times in a minute. Sometimes she just looks like one of those wacky wavy inflatable flailing arm tube men. But lately, I’m more concerned for the rest of us,” reported Junior Rebecca Stevens, who is just trying to fulfill her fine art requirement.

“I’ve had the misfortune of sitting between them for the entire 3-hour class several times,” said freshman Lucas Jones. “I didn’t know he was that funny but she fell over laughing today so I guess she understands comedy. I ended up with a slight concussion, but she was fine.”

“When we were supposed to be drawing trees she drew him naked instead,” added a visibly nauseated sophomore Brian Fitzpatrick.

In a stunning feat of investigative reporting, a Vignette contributor was able to infiltrate the class for a full three and a half minutes. During that time, the contributor witnessed the male subject licking the female subject’s ear, while the female subject spent forty-five seconds humping the male subject’s leg.

“Yeah, I notice it,” said the professor, Lawrence Jeremiah Williamson, when approached. “It’s kind of hard not to.” Has he ever tried to put a stop to it? “I moved them to opposite sides of the room but they just started doing mating calls and strip teases on top of the desks to get each other’s attention. It was starting to get distracting for the other students.”

Next week the class will be drawing still lifes of bowls of fruit. What will the flirters do with this activity?

“I don’t know, but keep them away from the bananas,” said Stevens.



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