How to Frat with Doug Benson

So I hear you want to Frat! I, Doug Benson, am going to teach you How to Frat in 7 steps. Read this. Be inspired. Be Fraternal, you Fratty McFrat Fuck.

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Step 1: Every Frat Star knows the holy (fra)trinity consists of: Tools, Women, and Life in general/anything that isn’t contained in Tools/Women. These are the three branches of government in Fratlandia. If one falls, they all fall, and your brothers fall.



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Step 2: Every person in a Frat has a Frat Rat, so you have to get one for yourself. Plus, everyone knows chicks dig rats. Remember to keep their tail clean!

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Step 3: Frat Math. Its fundamental. If you want to even TRY to be Frat, you need to know this shit front and back:

0 Pledges > 30 Goobers Banging Ugly Broads

America > Everything else

Your Future = WHATEVER YOU MAKE IT. This country’s about having everything and   then working your ass off for more, damnit.

 

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Step 4: America!!! *snorts coke, pukes*

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Step 5: When it comes to gear, a true Frat Bro would not be caught dead in anything but head to toe Frat Gear.

  • Bucket hats are so last year. Get yourself a fucking barrel hat.
  • A koozie is a must at all times; whether it’s around your beer bottle, your Frat Rat, or your penis.
  • We can tell you’re a Frat Faker if you only buy one Confederate flag. Owning TWO Confederate flags is the essence of being Frat to the core. If you only had one, what would you do if one is in the wash? (by the way, has anyone seen my Tide Pods?)

barrel-hat

 

Step 6: Discard your complacency. Seriously though, snap the fuck out of it. Hit up some hotter bitches. Be the alpha male girls love to hate.

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Step 7: Congratulations! By making it to the end of this article you have earned a bid to Delta Iota Kappa! If you’re interested in being a ΔΙΚ, come to the house right now, and bring your rat!

dik

Fraternally yours,

Doug Benson


the attachments to this post:

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doug-benson-net-worth

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complacency
complacency

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branches

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barrel-hat

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america-2014


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