Greenbaum Freshman Knows All of Your Secrets

Nancy Holmes applied to live in Greenbaum this summer for the suite style bathrooms. She never expected to receive a gateway to all of the personal lives of Tulane students as well.


“When they put me on the Boot side of the dorm, I was pissed at first,” Holmes admitted. “I still have to put in earplugs to fall asleep every night. It wasn’t until one night though, when I cracked my window to get some fresh air, that I realized I could see and hear everyone’s secrets. Now I am God.”


Holmes graciously told us a few of her most interesting experiences in an interview beside the infamous window. “Last month I overheard the quarterback say he was going to purposely lose the Duke game for an 8ball. I also saw my Chinese 1010 professor leave the Boot with the class slacker. I always wondered why he wasn’t dropping the class; now that mere mortal can bow down to me. I am the third revelation.”


Holmes has even witnessed a fight between two girls over how many evens they can’t. “It was Jenny Thompson and Erica Jones from Mo 6. Jenny put up a nice fight, but Erica’s left hook is killer. So yeah, that bruise on her neck isn’t a hickey… or isn’t just a hickey, it’s a hickey on top of a bruise. Fear me.”


Toward the end of our interview, Holmes proudly showed us her photo collage, consisting of freshman girls taking care of a puking senior frat bro, the president of the Vegan Club eating a slice of pepperoni pizza, and, Holmes’ favorite, a salsa dancing demonstration featuring two members of the ballroom dancing club.


“I am omnipotent and omniscient,” Holmes commented. “I am God.”


Holmes’ novel “Humans” of the Boot (HOB) will be published in November.

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