Green Wave Football Team Wins, New Orleans Goes Regular

After a shocking Tulane Green Wave Football victory this past Saturday, October 13, the Tulane campus and city of New Orleans is going absolutely, insanely, ape-shit normal.

“I remember it was fall break and everyone was away,” reminisced excited Tulane student Francis Dumerville, right after finding out the big winning news, “Those two friends of mine who always go to the football game were totally slightly happier then normal. The next day when everybody came back to campus, we got to tell them the news. They were freaking out and yelling ‘oh, I guess that’s pretty cool’. It was totally regular.”

Reports say that the night of the win Frenchman street played music all night, seafood was served around the city, and things got so normal that two or three Tulane students were TEMS’d.

“Ah man, you should have seen Bourbon street!” claimed excited Tulane student James Gronkite. “There was drinking in the streets, people were throwing beads from their balconies, strip clubs were even open directly to the public. It was just like how it normally is!”

As the football game ended, the 500 Tulane fans in the Superdome that seats 82,000, stormed the field out of excitement.

“It was slightly overcrowded,” commented Tulane Running Back Ashton “speedy” Simmons. “If we were still playing the game we probably would have been called for too many people on the field. We might have been able to get away with it though.”

Daniel Wombok, a Michigan student visiting his best friend from highschool at Tulane for the win commented on the completely routine atmosphere: “Wow, thank god Tulane doesn’t win more games. New Orleans would just be crazy, can you imagine if it was like this every weekend?”


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