Freshmen 15 Actually Baby

Friday, December 7, Freshman girl Amy Berger found out the freshman fifteen she thought she had gained was actually just baby weight from her unknown pregnancy.

“I just had no idea,” said a stunned Berger, reliving the moment when she found out the news, “After gaining so much weight in my first four months here I really didn’t know what was causing it. I guess I feel relieved; at least I’m not just getting fat.”

After a particularly large meal at Bruff commons, Amy started to notice the added weight.

“My friend made a food baby joke,” said the still shocked Amy, “and I thought to myself- wait, is that possible? That’s when I took the test and found out the news. I had to tell A-dawg the news, he didn’t take the news quite as I had thought.”

A-dawg, the father of the unborn baby, was ecstatic about the upcoming pregnancy.

“Oh, thank god!” A-dawg told reporters this afternoon, “I thought I had just accidentally hooked up with a fat girl! You can’t imagine how comforted I am by this news. Maybe we can name the baby thunderdome, after my dorm room where he was conceived.”

Tulane officials report A-dawg being less happy when told that it was too late for plan b, and plans c through z weren’t “real things.”

When asked what she plans to do next Berger responded with a resounding, “I really don’t know. I feel like the most unlucky person ever. Well, not most unlucky, at least I didn’t get pregnant at Loyola.”


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