Freshman Student Gets Last Time Slot For Class Sign Up

In probably the most unlucky thing to happen to him since hooking up with a guy at The Boot, freshman Andy Cesar found himself with the last time slot to sign up for classes yesterday, November 17th.

“This is ridiculous,” commented an obviously agitated Cesar, “I had my perfect schedule planned out. I was going to take Buddhism, Creative Writing, and Calculus at 3 P.M. It was my dream schedule.”

Unfortunately for Cesar, when all of his classes were booked the other options for his second semester became much more abstract.

“I don’t understand. The only class that was open for my noon timeslot is called ‘Into to Theory’. What the fuck does that even mean?! THEORY OF WHAT?”

Reports say Cesar began to grow angrier and angrier as he scrolled through the list of possible class options.

“I have to take a class on Roman Alchemy. There is no way that is relevant. Actually, screw relevance, there is no way the Romans used Alchemy. The only other way for me to get to 16 complete credit hours is if I take ‘Sexual Puppetry.’ Please Tulane, please, don’t make me take that class.”

“Hmmm oh, yeahhh its just an overall fun class,” commented Professor Silvius, the professor in charge of Sexual Puppetry, while consistently liking his lips to keep them moist. “Well you know it’s just, um, a great way to explore your own sexuality and learn a lot about the history and philosophy of it. Needless to say, I’m incredibly excited to have my first student… and such a strapping one as Cesar. Sometimes its just easier in puppet form…”

 


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