Freshman Accidentally Joins Street Gang Instead of Fraternity

In a classic, “Only at Tulane, Only in New Orleans” mix-up, freshman Steven Morris recently discovered that he was accepted into the “Voodoo Boyz” gang, instead of the Delta Iota Kappa fraternity he intended to rush. The situation has been a hot topic of conversation, between both Interfraternity Council members and groups of guys shootin’ the shit outside Rite Aid. The Vignette secured an interview with Morris (now known as Blaze FivestarSwag) so he could attempt to explain the situation.

“You know, looking back on it I probably should have realized the guys I was hanging out with were not members of a Tulane fraternity. First of all they call each other ‘bruh’ instead of brother, and rush week was all about selling weed. Then, when I asked about GPA requirements, one of the bruhs responded ‘Yeah yeah we got GPA–Ganja Pushing Assessments,’” recalled Blaze as he adjusted the baggy, salmon-colored shorts that reached his ankles.

“The biggest sign I missed though was probably when they invited me to chill at their ‘trap house.’ It wasn’t until I got there I realized they meant trap house in the, ‘we sell crack cocaine’ sort of way and not the, ‘wanna-be fuckboy’ kind of way. Saying that out loud makes me wonder if these guys even actually go to Tulane…”

Blaze went on to explain that regardless of the legality of the Voodoo Boyz, he is happy with his newfound Bruhhood. He spoke highly of gang kingpin, Voodoo TopDoll, who promised to hook him up with some “real time connects in the biz” once Blaze proved his worth on the streets.

“Voodoo thinks I got potential, ya know for initiation I banged out some fool outside Snake & Jake’s and took his Benjamins” reported Blaze. “Only problem was the punk only had 7 bucks. I gotta put in more work if I wanna be top doll one day.” Blaze ended the interview by adding “Shoutout to my boy Biggie SmallHands, hope you get out real soon bruh we be missin’ yo little fingers back at the dollhouse.”

Blaze seemed unconcerned about losing out on fraternity-sorority connections, reciting Jay-Z’s lyric “I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one” when The Vignette brought up the topic. Finally, when asked how joining the Voodoo Boyz could coexist with his daily life at Tulane, Blaze responded “Fuck roll wave, Imma roll j’s.”

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