Forty Other Forties: Why Tulane Doesn’t Miss Thirty-Nine but Would Totally Hook-Up If It Drunk Texted Her

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Recently Tulane rose in the ranks of colleges, increasing in the US News ranks from thirty-nine to forty, or in Fitz’s words, from “a kind-of-okay number” to “my lucky number according to a Buzzfeed quiz”. We fought off Princeton and Harvard, those two poor sops having to settle for one and two, and now we can relish our admittance into the Flirty, Fun, and Forty Club. Listed below are other esteemed club members who have ranked fortieth or embodying forty-ment.

  • The fortieth best ice cream flavor is Banana Mint, a frozen classic for people who have no taste buds
  • Watching Paint Dry on Refurbished Uptown Houses ranked fortieth in “Best Tides Classes” and number one in “Reasons You Should Go to Orientation”
  • The pudding waggler was named the fortieth best sex position


  • 40 is the highest number ever counted to on Sesame street
  • The fortieth best player on the Baby Cakes, John Bowinkle, kind of went on the field once.
  • South Dakota was the 40th state to become a state (But ranked fourth in states New Yorker’s forget exist)
  • Quarantined ships during the Bubonic plague had to be isolated in the harbor for forty days. Why? Because nothing cures deadly illnesses like an awesome number
  • There are forty spaces on a Monopoly board


  • Shakira is 40 years old. Forever.
  • On average pregnancies last forty weeks
  • Big foot was spotted on the fortieth day of the month of May last year
  • Brent, the hotter roommate, has had forty hook-ups over his college career
  • Paul, the other roommate, has been turned down forty times when interrupting to ask if “they need anyone, I mean anything”
  • The phrase “Yeah we are not really a sport’s school” was uttered forty times by Tulane students two minutes into this year’s first tail gate
  • The 1940’s possessed the invention of the microwave, slinky and the atomic bomb
  • “My Achey Heart Breaky” by the KissFace Boys ranked fortieth on the “Top Forty” charts in 2006
  • “Paul’s: Some Okay Food” ranked the fortieth best restaurant in Metairie
  • Gerald and Melg were this year’s fortieth most popular baby names
  • Edgy Teen Killer People ranked fortieth for hottest new ABC Family shows
  • Sardine crumbles ranked fortieth for best pizza toppings


  • Ronald Reagan was the fortieth president
  • Boss Baby ranked fortieth for best movies this year
  • Rachel Ray’s Forty Dollars a Day inspired a generation to hate Rachel Ray
  • Most women never turn forty but rather stay thirty-nine until their kids figure it out and tell everyone anyway, “Mom has been thirty-nine for six years now”
  • Forty divided by four is the number of items that got skipped on this list
  • 40 steps from Bruff was where the infamous “Debbie puked on a cop” incident occurred
  • The LA Blue-Ballers ranked fortieth in their recreational baseball league last year
  • An Insidious Moth Ball Penetrates the World is ranked fortieth on the 2015 Bestseller list
  • Moony Holloway was in her fortieth porno this year. She will be in a project this year with porn newcomer Not Ted Cruz
  • Tom Goldstein was the fortieth person to be picked up by TEMS this year. He had swallowed a foam finger while barred out.


  • Forty voicemails have been left by Tulane to thirty-nine, asking if it is happy with that bitch Boston University

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