Edgy New Profile Picture Gives Sophomore Fresh Mindset on Year

After a long summer of sitting at home and re-evaluating his outlook on life, sophomore student Eugene Melrose is ready to come back to Tulane a new man, highlighted by his edgy new Facebook profile picture.

“Listen, I’m not sure it’s for everyone,” remarked Melrose behind tinted aviator sunglasses as he lounged back in his spinning chair, put his feet on his school desk, and stretched the sleeves of his pure white leather jacket while interlocking his fingers behind his head. “Listen, I’m not saying I’m not Eugene anymore, but I’m also not saying that I won’t seduce a 45-year-old and wear leopard skin pants in public. I’ve been to Bonnaroo, things are different.”

Melrose, whose new profile picture was taken at the the midsummer Tennessee music festival, spent most of his freshman year smoking weed and watching Cartoon Network on Netflix with his roommate in Sharp.

The picture, depicting Melrose wearing short shorts, no shirt, a bandanna and his new signature aviator sunglasses, was taken from behind him, as he towered over the camera on a stranger’s shoulders. In the new picture, his head is blocking the sun and his arms are spread out wide to, “gather the good vibrations and ‘sweet-atude’ of the earth’s creatures.” The hue of the picture is a special burnt orange, reminiscent of the toaster setting on Instagram which Melrose claims is, “totally natural, just the beauty of the moment sinking in. Guess ya had to be there.”

When asked how many likes the profile picture had, Melrose responded, “What? Likes? Oh, I guess I just don’t really have time to be going on to Facebook and looking, too many things to do.” When told the picture had 15 likes Melrose squinted his eyes and remarked, “It had 16 as of twenty-three minutes ago, who the hell un-likes a picture?”

Two weeks into school, Melrose’s glasses have broken after an unfortunate trip on the way to class, and he spends most his free time watching gameplay videos of Grand Theft Auto Five.


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