Breaking: Fitts Drunkenly Texts Student Body Telling Them to Drink Less

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Students across Tulane’s campus woke up this morning to some strange late-night text messages from President “Mike” Fitts, requesting that they drink less alcohol. In his drunken stupor Fitts must have forgotten he was no longer in the land of the Quakers, but now President of a school that literally has its own official beer.


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