Balloon Animal Club Starts in Wall, Condoms Finally Put to Use

Wall has long been regarded as a place where sexual prowess has gone to die, but the Balloon Animal Club has sought to change that by promoting the men of Wall as fun loving, good with their hands and in ownership of at least 2 condoms. President Daniel Graham welcomes anyone to his club who considers themselves “latex lovers and lady killers.”


The idea to use condoms instead of traditional balloons came after the club ran into “Greece-level financial troubles.” We consulted treasurer Farik Azbal. “Our passion for balloon animals grew, and fellow Wallabies wanted in. However, we had no budget left because we spent it all on Axe at the beginning of the semester.” They were in desperate need of a solution for their balloon shortage, when inspiration hit freshman Oliver Melman. “I was in my room on Friday night trying to figure out what the hell was going on in the condom application diagram they gave us. Then it hit me! Literally, a condom slipped out of my hand and hit me in the face. After that, it was all aboard to condom-town.”


The Balloon Animal Club has since become a roaring success. “It actually worked out really well,” added Farik. “Because they’re lubricated, there’s no more squeaky noise while we work our magic. Plus our hands are really soft!” Farik recalled a recent outing of the club “We took them to the boot. Two girls smiled at us, so it’s already been way more successful than when we tried breakdancing. Our next goal is to have three girls smile at us. After that, the sky is the limit!”

Popular balloon animals include weiner dogs, giraffes, Michael Fitts’ big round head, and the balls statue.

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