Bait Bikes Recalled After Failing to Catch a Single Fish

The Tulane fishing community was devastated last Thursday when the Commission for Research on Aquaculture Policy (CRAP) revealed the findings of their most recent study: in over twenty years of data collection, not a single fish has been caught using a Tulane Bait Bike.

“This is just disgraceful,” Tulane Fishermen’s League President, Rod Finney said, standing at the edge of the large puddle on the corner of Broadway and Zimple with a homemade spear in hand. “The Bait Bike was marketed to us as the new cutting edge technology for urban fishmongering. But now that we know they’re a sham, what are we supposed to use to lure scaly beasts to their deaths with? We just want the bait bikes to live up to their name!”

The bikes, marked with a sticker that says “this could be a bait bike,” have apparently failed to catch even a small fish, leaving students to rummage for food in Bruff, like savages. However, the Vignette interviewed a senior named Robert Cuddy who has used a bicycle to agitate the waters of the Mississippi to uncover “a bunch of king cake babies and koozies,” which he ate anyways because he was very bored.

When confronted with claims that the advertizing for Bait Bike™ Technology is false, TUPD shrugged collectively. “Maybe you’ve been using the wrong bikes,” one shouted from the back. “Yeah,” another officer nodded, eyes wide. “Not even we can tell which ones are the bait bikes anymore.”picture bait bike


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