All Other Trees Think Mardi Gras Tree is Attention Whore

According to a recent  poll  of trees around the university’s campus taken by Tulane’s Department of Tree and Bush Life, an astounding 100 percent of other trees think that the Mardi Gras tree is an attention-seeking whore. This represents a twenty-point increase from last month’s poll. The Vignette interviewed several of these other trees to try and make sense of the jump.

“Everyone is just finally starting to see that she’s like, totally overrated,” commented Rachel, a cypress tree with prominent views on the matter. “I mean, she was wearing last season’s beads for a full year. The other trees were starting to notice.”

“I used to think she was cool but then she started acting like a total diva,” remarked Emily, Rachel’s equally opinionated palm tree friend. “Like, people say that I’m just as pretty as her but she really flaunts her shit and that’s why she gets so much attention. It’s all smoke and mirrors.”

The Mardi Gras tree, however, seemed unfazed by this poll when asked to make a statement. “Rachel and Emily have always been jealous of me ever since Daddy decided to get me the limited addition Marc Jacobs beads for Hanukkah. It’s like they can’t get their own life so they have to try and turn everyone against me. Oh well, even bad publicity is good publicity.”

Regardless of the poll, there has been little to no change between the trees’ dynamic. One speculator seems to think that this could be because “talking shit about each other is nothing new in the tree community.” However, a confidential source has divulged that there could be a sex tape scandal in store for the Mardi Gras tree that will really shake things up. Only time will tell if the trees will be able to remain frenemies through all of this.


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