After Second Water Advisory This Year, Whole Campus Suspiciously Looks At Kappa Sigma Fraternity

Yesterday, Sunday March 4th, after the second boil water advisory this year, students across the Tulane campus were seen pointing and whispering at the Kappa Sigma fraternity brothers in cautious suspicion.

“Now I’m not saying they did it, in fact I’m not saying anything at all,” said un-fooled sophomore Eric Krinkelson while rubbing his chin and squinting, in a suspicious manner, “But I’m not saying they didn’t either. All I’m saying is something is up here, something fishy…”

Kappa Sig, which has recently changed their secret handshake to a slap on the forehead followed by a shaking of their heads, comment on the increased wariness of the community around them.

“Contamination?” Kappa Sig Spokesperson Altoid Drummond questioned in a recent interview, “You guys can’t be serious, right? I mean what drugs would we even be able to contaminate the water supply wit— oh come on, that’s not even fair, that was like ONE TIME.”

“Wait, so are we not going to get the heat for this one?” Asked New Orleans city councilman Oscar DeLazio, “Because that would be great. Lets not focus on the fact that one of the most major cities in America has had their water supply contaminated twice in the past year. You know what, I’m going to stop talking.”

“Well, I guess I just kind of assume now…” Mentioned Krinkelson, “Oh and did I mention I saw a Kappa Sig brother at Bruff once? I didn’t NOT see him steal anything, so who knows.”

Krinkelson continued to speculate until he ended with “I mean, I assume the best way to poison a water supply is with newspaper ink…”


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