Outrage over 3rd Fire Drill In a Week, Students Burn Building

Sharp Residence Hall Right Before Burning

After three fire drills in a span of five days, freshmen of the Sharp residence hall have set fire to the building seemingly out of pure anger.

After minutes upon minutes of sitting outside on the beach volleyball court for the third time this week, mildly annoyed students took to arms by burning the entire building to the floor.

“I mean, we were getting impatient, what else were we going to do” Said freshman Steven Glover. “I remember standing outside the dorm with my roommate in his towel, when someone yelled ‘Fuck this shit’, and then everyone just took out their lighters.”

According to Glover, before the fire alarm sounded at midnight, most kids were reportedly playing FIFA, sleeping, or just generally screwing around doing nothing. “Needless to say the entire building needed to burn. I haven’t been that upset since the last fire drill.”

Freshman Maddy Tasini reflects on the attitude inside the building when the fire alarm first went off. “I just remember walking past the 3rd floor common room and seeing that kid Aaron. He was rocking back and forth in the corner of the room whispering ‘Oh they want a fire, ill give them a fire’. Everybody agreed he was the most sane person in the room.”

Tulane officials say this is the worst incident since the indoor boredom drowning’s during hurricane Isaac.


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