26 Things You Can Buy with $1,000 Instead of Tulane’s Premium Laundry Service

 

One of the perks of living on campus at Tulane is the free laundry. However, if you hate money, you can pay for someone to do your laundry for you. The “Premium Plan” costs $1,000 per academic year and is very popular. In the interest of science, we sent our crack Vignette mathematicians, researchers, and philosophers to explore alternate ways to spend that cool grand:Screen Shot 2016-02-16 at 11.36.35 AM

 

  • 500 shares of Apple stock in 1985; which would now be worth $57,500.
  • 1,990 shots on 50 cent shot night
  • 112.6 copies of the Lilo and Stitch Soundtrack on CD
  • 3.77 days of attendance at Tulane
  • 400 round trip streetcar rides to Bourbon Street, which is 4,000 miles, which is the distance between New Orleans and Reykjavik!
  • Unlimited internet porn and the premium laundry service
  • 127,925 Icelandic Króna
  • An ok washing machine
  • President Michael Fitts for 7 hours
  • 4 tickets to Voodoo, but you can’t buy any food and you have to walk there
  • 26,182 fl. oz of Kirkland Light
  • 47.6 liters of Kirkland Signature Vodka
  • Racial equality
  • Sweaters for the entire staff of City Diners
  • 2 intramural soccer refs who will look the other way for all fouls
  • 30 bunnies to do with what you please
  • 33 Thursday night roundtrip ubers to f&ms
  • The left boot of the Robert E Lee statue at Lee Circle
  • 6 minutes of direct eye contact with Steve Buscemi
  • 3 of Joe Biden’s 12 burmese pythons
  • Custom one direction emojis (Zayn is extra)
  • 200 tabs of LSD
  • 7.7 grams of molly
  • 5 grams of heroin
  • Loyola’s endowment
  • Some fucking dignity

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