The Kappa Alpha order at Tulane recently came under fire for emblazoning their makeshift sandbag wall with the catchphrase of a political candidate whose list of groups he’s offended is longer than Paul Simon’s list of ways to leave your lover.
Tulane has come to KA’s defense, calling the wall satire. “It’s satire, get it?” said KA member Peter Privateschool, “We’re mocking Trump’s underinformed, xenophobic, and hateful message by replicating it on a wall in an already racially-charged context. Classic comedy!” Local racists reportedly found the wall hilarious.
Local problem solver Dusty Porter was quick to swoop in with just the words of wisdom everyone needed to hear: “Roll Wave,” he whispered emphatically, expecting his school spirit to resolve the conflict.
The politicized wall has divided students into people who care about the lives of people of color and those who would blend right into a Trump family portrait. “These crybabies don’t understand how the real world works and hide behind their safe spaces,” said KA Sperry Bluegoose before retiring to a fortified space designed to make him feel comfortable, manned by Tulane-funded security guards, filled with like-minded men, and protected from the outside world.
James McDignant, KA treasurer and winner of Robert E. Lee trivia night, was happy to see the wall gone. “We want to be completely transparent with the university community about our exclusivity,” said McDignant, who is one nephew away from being a drunk racist uncle.
The Vignette research team is currently sitting at electron microscopes hoping to find something even a little bit funny about the wall. “We are putting all of our efforts of our high-tech lab into finding the joke,” reported the Vignette’s Comedy Lab technician Fartholomew Buttman. “We understand that satire can exist at the molecular level, but we have yet to find even trace amounts of humor, and we are not optimistic about further tests.”
KA plans on extending an apology to the entire Tulane community with a “KAmedy Fest,” a funny show featuring an improv show performed entirely in Native American halloween costumes, followed by a free screening of every Larry the Cable Guy movie ever made.