In a mid-term report published yesterday, March 5, PJ’s Coffee revealed that the most ordered drink at their shop was in fact direction to the nearest Starbucks.
“Oh well of course” began unsurprised New Jersey freshman Oliver Mist, after hearing about the new report. “I order that every time I go in. It’s just the right mix of frothy whip cream, vanilla bean flavor, and fuck you to the PJ’s staff. Plus, I get a great Starbucks trip out of it. It’s not that I dislike PJ’s, I just hate it and think its stupid.”
The PJ’s report stated that the second most ordered drink was a “Frappuccino”, the third was “what do you mean you don’t have Frappuccino’s, I thought this was a coffee shop?”, and the fourth was frozen hot chocolate.
“I don’t understand.” Stated perplexed PJ’s barista Antonio Roosevelt. “We have been around for a really long time. I don’t know how many times I have to explain that our sizes are small through large, I don’t know what a damn vente is. Really, it should be way easier, we are the ones using english.”
“People say that we are a southern, New Orleans chain” continued PJ’s Barista Roosevelt, “but I would really contest that uptown is our northeastern location.”